


EPISODE SIX: "I'm Not Crazy"

by gaypetersimmonds



Series: Skam Brighton: Season Three [7]
Category: Original Work, SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Canon Autistic Character, Canon Bisexual Character, Canon Character of Color, Canon Gay Character, Canon Jewish Character, Canon Lesbian Character, Canon Trans Character, Episode 6, Gen, M/M, SKAM Season 3, also just for people not being nice, and for non consensual kissing, if any of that bothers you you should probably skip clip 5, tw for discussion of homophobia/racism/pedophilia, tw for drug and alcohol abuse, tw for homophobia, tw for violence and descriptions of blood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-09
Updated: 2019-11-15
Packaged: 2021-01-26 03:22:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21367357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaypetersimmonds/pseuds/gaypetersimmonds
Summary: Jake Love is tired. Tired of pretending that he likes his friends, that he doesn’t like his ex-friends. Tired of pretending that he likes girls. But he's happy enough to sleep through life.That is, until he gets a wake up call from the new guy at school.As they become closer friends, Jake’s worries get higher and higher, and he’s going to do whatever he can not to fall.FIRST CLIP: "Do It On Your Own"
Relationships: Jake Love/Alistair Fletcher
Series: Skam Brighton: Season Three [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1498070
Comments: 3
Kudos: 16





	1. CLIP ONE: "Do It On Your Own"

**SATURDAY, 9TH NOVEMBER, 14:27**

EXT. PARK

_“London Boy” by Taylor Swift_ plays as we pan over the park, seeing the trees, grass, families walking around, all bundled up in coats, enjoying their day.

We then focus on ALISTAIR’s hands making a daisy chain in slow motion, turning it into a crown and putting it on his head, smiling at JAKE, who’s sitting on the grass next to him. 

We return to normal speed as we see that ESTHER, SANDY, BRIANNA, RORI, LIZ, JAMES, NICK, THEO, SOPHIE, TARA, JAKE and ALISTAIR are all sitting together, underneath a tree, already mid-conversation as the song fades out, JAKE staring at ALISTAIR, trying not to smile and failing.

ESTHER  
Okay, how are we gonna get the word out?

JAKE  
Uh, about what?

JAMES  
The talent show, Jacob.

LIZ  
Can’t be a show with an audience.

NICK looks over at RORI and smiles.

NICK  
I’ll sell a ticket with every gram I sell?

BRIANNA  
[sarcastic] Yeah, that’ll really help, thanks so much Nickolai.

NICK  
Welcome!

SANDY  
We could post about it?

ESTHER  
Yeah, of course.

There’s an awkward pause, everyone trying to think. JAKE has an idea and looks around - no one else is going to speak. So he does.

JAKE  
Why not just, you know, tell people?

LIZ  
If you just tell people, they won’t want to come. You have to make them come to you.

BRIANNA  
Exactly!

JAKE  
Does that even make sense?

There’s a pause, the GIRL and BOY SQUADS all exchanging glances. JAKE looks down, avoiding any stares.

THEO  
He's not wrong.

SANDY  
Well, it’s got us this far.

BRIANNA  
And we don’t need your criticism.

JAKE  
But words literally work. If you tell a dog to sit, it sits.

LIZ  
Human people aren’t dogs.

THEO  
Unless they’re furries.

LIZ  
I-- No thank you, Theo. I don’t like that.

JAKE  
I’m just saying, it could work.

THEO  
Yeah. I once told Nick to lick those things people hold onto on the bus and he did.

ALISTAIR  
Oh, that is disgusting!

THEO  
I know, right?

ALISTAIR stands up, perfectly calm, all eyes on him as he leans against the tree.

ALISTAIR  
Just put posters up around the school. You know, like the ones you made for the party? It’s not illegal. Besides, people will see it and tell their friends. They’ll do anything for attention, and in our fame-centric society--

BRIANNA  
Shut up, commie.

ALISTAIR  
Shut up, bootlicker. Anyway, they all want attention, blah blah blah, posters, everything, shazam. 

He does jazz hands, as there’s a short silence.

JAMES  
I mean… He’s right.

ALISTAIR nods, like “obviously”, making them all laugh a little.

ALISTAIR  
You gotta know what the people want and give it to them.

NICK  
That’s what he said.

RORI  
No. No, it is not.

NICK winks at her as she groans, laughing. JAKE watches, opening his mouth like he’s about to say something, but then he doesn’t. There’s an awkward pause. After a short while, NICK smiles.

NICK  
So… Mayonnaise, huh?

ESTHER  
What?

NICK  
It’s nature’s cum. 

JAKE bursts into laughter as LIZ screams into her hands, RORI staring openmouthed into the distance as ESTHER wheeze-laughs, leaning onto SANDY, who looks like she's disassociating. 

ESTHER  
That’s the worst thing…

RORI  
Why would you say that? No one asked.

NICK  
I did. Emotionally.

BRIANNA  
No one cares about you, Nick.

ALISTAIR leans against the tree and starts taking off his shoes and socks.

SANDY  
Al, what are you doing?

ALISTAIR  
Taking off my shoes, duh.

SANDY  
Yeah, but… Why?

RORI  
It's November.

ALISTAIR  
Let me _live,_ mothers.

JAMES  
Yeah! Let him have his foot fetish in peace.

LIZ groans, pushes him off of her.

LIZ  
That’s it, I’m breaking up with you.

JAMES  
Over his foot fetish?

ALISTAIR  
I don’t have a foot fetish.

LIZ  
Either way!

ALISTAIR shrugs and starts to walk off.

ESTHER  
Where you going?

ALISTAIR  
Adventuring, don’t mind me.

ESTHER  
Okay, stay safe.

ALISTAIR winks and does finger guns at her and walks away, barefoot, JAKE staring after him as the GIRL SQUAD begin to talk in the background.

JAMES [O.S.]  
Dude? Jake?

JAKE turns around to look at JAMES, NICK and THEO watching him, all a little nervous.

JAKE  
Yeah?

JAMES  
Um, you know that video going around?

JAKE  
What video?

JAMES, THEO and NICK all exchange a look and JAKE lets out a breath, beginning to remember last night.

JAKE  
Guys. What video?

THEO  
Um, are-- Are you sure you want to know? It’s kind of…

NICK  
Fucked up would be the words I would use.

JAKE  
Just send it to me.

JAKE turns on his phone and goes into Instagram, immediately getting a message of a video from NICK. He clicks on it and a blurry, badly filmed version of the party from the night before begins to play.

VIDEO JAKE  
God, Bryan, I fucking hate you! 

VIDEO JAKE smiles, laughing with relief, as JAKE watching the video starts to breathe heavier, his grip tightening.

VIDEO JAKE  
You're a dick, and I don't want you around me!

VIDEO BRYAN  
[quiet] Jesus Christ, Jake, what’s gotten into you?

VIDEO JAKE  
Oh, you really want to know?

VIDEO BRYAN nods, and JAKE shakes his head.

VIDEO JAKE  
Dick! Because I’m--

JAKE turns his phone off, staring down at it for a few moments. He doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know what to say. He didn't think any of this through.

JAKE  
You, um, you guys know that was a joke, right? I-- I was just… I was just saying it to wind him up, you… 

They obviously don’t believe him. JAKE sighs, running a hand through his hair and looking over at ALISTAIR, who’s still walking away.

JAKE  
Who posted this?

JAMES  
Rory.

THEO  
Bastard.

JAKE immediately messages RORY “Why the fuck did you do that?”. RORY reads the message but doesn’t respond. JAKE sighs again, more aggressive, and puts his phone in his pocket.

NICK  
You okay?

JAKE  
Why do you care?

NICK shrugs, looking away.

JAKE  
It was just a joke, okay? I-- I don't know what you're all getting so worked up over.

JAKE's the only one getting worked up, and NICK sighs.

NICK  
Look, if you wanna be pissed, do it on your own. 

JAMES  
But you can talk to us. If you need to.

THEO nods and JAKE stands up, smiling awkwardly at all of them, and walks over to ALISTAIR, who’s just standing still in the middle of the grass.

JAKE  
You’ll catch your death. And you just got better.

ALISTAIR laughs, looking back over to the tree as JAKE watches him.

ALISTAIR  
It’s freeing. Being at one with nature or whatever.

JAKE  
Yeah. 

There’s an awkward pause. ALISTAIR reaches out his hand to touch JAKE’s, making it look like an accident. JAKE jerks his hand away and ALISTAIR looks up at him, confused.

JAKE  
People know. There-- There's a video, and I'm just-- I'm not ready. I didn't think about any of this, it just slipped out and I just... I can't. I can't be public with it all right now.

ALISTAIR doesn't physically react.

ALISTAIR  
Okay.

JAKE looks at ALISTAIR, confused, surprised that he isn't mad.

JAKE  
Okay? You don't mind?

ALISTAIR  
Why would I? You need time. We got time. So much time.

JAKE shakes his head, touching his phone in his pocket.

JAKE  
How are you always so happy?

ALISTAIR shrugs, smiling.

ALISTAIR  
With you, I just am.

JAKE looks back at the group. They’re all talking together, none of them looking at them. JAKE takes a small step closer to ALISTAIR, their shoulders brushing, and they look out at the trees.


	2. CLIP TWO: "Look Down"

**MONDAY, 11TH NOVEMBER, 15:20**

INT. HALLWAY, BACA

We see a backshot of JAKE walking down the hallway, shrugging his bag over his shoulder, looking around furtively as he turns a corner and walks towards the boys’ changing room.

INT. BOYS’ CHANGING ROOM

JAKE walks in, the whole team already in there. They go silent and turn to him, whispering to each other. Most are watching BRYAN, who walks up to JAKE. The boys near them move back, anticipating a fist fight. JAKE stays still, trying to stand his ground.

BRYAN  
Afternoon,  _ Love _ .

JAKE  
F-- Fuck off, Bryan.

BRYAN laughs and looks around.

BRYAN  
Step back boys, I think our flower’s upset.

JAKE smiles sarcastically and tries to step forward.

JAKE  
Very funny, now move.

BRYAN  
Why should I?

JAKE  
I gotta change.

BOY [O.S.]  
Do you? Or do you wanna watch us change?

The BOYS - bar TAI - all laugh, as JAKE pushes past BRYAN, who grabs him arm before he can walk away. JAKE jerks it back.

JAKE  
Don’t touch me.

BRYAN  
Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Denial isn’t pretty on you, Jake.

JAKE  
Yeah, well at least some things can be pretty on me.

BRYAN  
Oh, are you a girl now as well as gay?

JAKE scoffs, rolling his eyes as BRYAN laughs.

JAKE  
I-- I'm not gay. It was just a joke. All of it.

BRYAN  
Don't lie to me, Jake. You're not good at it.

JAKE  
I'm not--

BRYAN  
I'm not blind, Jake. [laughs] Honestly, I always knew. I mean, look at you. 

He motions up and down at JAKE, and some BOYS laughs along with him. JAKE looks down at himself, trying to figure out what he's done wrong, breathing heavily as he tries to compose himself.

BRYAN  
Aw, you mad?

BOY [O.S.]  
Bless him, he is to.

JAKE smiles, very strained, like he might punch BRYAN or cry.

JAKE  
I just want you to shut up.

BRYAN  
What are you gonna do? Fight me? I thought our Jake was a pacifist. Or did your psycho boyfriend change you in many way--

JAKE lunges at BRYAN and pushes him against the wall, everyone watching 

RORY  
Shit, he’s gonna kiss--

JAKE  
Shut up, Rory! 

BRYAN laughs, as JAKE turns to him, scowling.

JAKE  
Don’t you say a word about Alistair, okay?

BRYAN  
Why? Think he might fancy me? You jealous?

JAKE  
In your fucking dreams.

JAKE pushes BRYAN and walks over to his usual spot in the corner, next to TAI, as the rest of the boys whisper, all staring at JAKE as BRYAN slumps down next to RORY.

JAKE looks behind him as the boys stare at him. He holds onto the collar of his shirt, not taking it off but messing with it. He has no idea what to do now, he can feel all eyes on him. TAI coughs next to him and he looks at him.

TAI  
Just look down. 

JAKE does, and begins to change, keeping his eyes closed even as he looks down.

BOY #1 [O.S.]  
Keep your trousers on lads, someone’s on the prowl.

BOY #2 [O.S.]  
Queer.

BOY #3 [O.S.]  
Batty boy.

The BOYS voices begin to overlap each other, repeating various slurs - “fag”, “bum boy”, “fairy”, “queen” - until JAKE opens his eyes, and the BOYS are talking normal, walking out of the room. JAKE has changed clothes in this time.

TAI looks around as most of the team leave, RORY hanging back.

TAI  
Look, it's best to just ignore them. I know I sound like a mum, but they just want you to get mad. And I’m gay too, so… If you ever wanna talk about things--

JAKE  
Thanks, Tai. I'll... get back to you. 

TAI nods, takes his water bottle and walks out, leaving RORY and JAKE alone in awkward silence.

JAKE  
Why’d you do it?

RORY  
What?

JAKE  
The video. Why’d you post it?

RORY shrugs.

RORY  
Just felt like it.

JAKE  
Do you ever stop to think about how what you do affects other people?

RORY laughs a little, folding his arms and looking down.

RORY  
Do you?

JAKE  
What are you talking about?

RORY  
What do you think I'm talking about? Sandy.

JAKE pauses, confused and looks around.

JAKE  
What the fuck are you talking about?

RORY  
Sandy. Sandy Neuman? You told me she was gay. Everyone had a heart attack. How’s this any different?

JAKE  
‘Cause-- ‘Cause I wasn’t saying it because she was gay.

RORY laughs a little, raising his eyebrows.

RORY  
You weren’t? Well, you could’ve fooled me.

JAKE  
I wanted to _help_ her.

RORY  
Yeah, and _I_ wanted to help _you._ So I did. Now everyone knows and you don’t have to bother telling them. And everyone else is super cool with it. It isn't the nineties, Jacob. No one's gonna hate you for being gay.

JAKE  
You heard Bryan! You heard the team!

RORY  
That's just 'cause you're acting like a bitch-ass pussy!

JAKE shakes his head, laughing quietly with rage.

JAKE  
You’re...

RORY  
What? I’m what?

JAKE  
You’re a fucking asshole.

RORY shrugs.

RORY  
Thanks for the opinion. Look, I just keep it real. You should too. And, by the way, I don’t think it would be smart for you to come to practise today. Our captain seems a bit steamed.

RORY grins and walks out, leaving JAKE on his own. He groans and kicks the wall, yelping in pain as he does. He scoffs at himself and sits down, messing with his hair as he breathes heavily, closing his eyes again.


	3. CLIP THREE: "Take Care Of Yourself"

**TUESDAY, 12TH NOVEMBER, 18:14**

INT. THE UNUSED BEDROOM, JAKE’S HOUSE

_“Landslide” by Fleetwood Mac_ plays as JAKE lies on the bed, his feet on the floor, an empty plate covered in crumbs on the table next to him as he texts ALISTAIR.

ALISTAIR texts “i finally got a response from ellie. she fired me from her youtube channel AND the company. It’s ridiculous, i basically RUN that place.”

JAKE shakes his head, rolling his eyes, and texts back “That’s bullshit, you should demand your job back.”

ALISTAIR texts back “i should! i’m amazing!”. JAKE laughs and texts back “Or you could make our theatre club even better with your amazingness.”

ALISTAIR starts to type but, but the song abruptly ends as the door opens and JAKE sits up sharp, turning his phone off as he looks CHRISTINE in her raging eyes.

CHRISTINE  
What are you doing here?

JAKE  
I--

CHRISTINE  
I told you not to be in here! What the hell are you doing?! Why are you-- How _dare_ you sit where he sat?

She breathes heavily, her cheeks red as JAKE stutters, terrified.

JAKE  
I-- I didn’t know you would be home so soon.

CHRISTINE  
You didn’t?! How long have you been doing this?

JAKE  
I--

CHRISTINE  
This-- This is his room, how could you?!

JAKE sighs, exhausted, not knowing what she wants from him.

JAKE  
I don't know. I'm sorry.

CHRISTINE  
He-- He is your father, he is my husband!

JAKE laughs a little, finally letting his anger out.

JAKE  
He’s dead, Mum! He died! And he hated us, you know it! And you can’t just mope about here because of it, it’s pathetic!

JAKE takes in what he’s said and starts to breathe heavily.

JAKE  
Mum, I'm so s--

CHRISTINE picks up a vase from the dresser opposite JAKE and throws it at the wall above him, breaking it and the glass of the picture above him. JAKE dives out of the way, getting sliced on the cheek by a shard of glass. CHRISTINE gasps, looking down at her hands as JAKE holds his cheek. CHRISTINE looks up at him, and all anger is gone.

CHRISTINE  
Jake, son, I--

JAKE  
No. No, you’re just like him. You’re-- You’re just like he said.

CHRISTINE  
Jacob--

JAKE  
You are _ insane _. 

JAKE gets up, still holding his cheek and starts to walk out of the room.

CHRISTINE  
Where are you going?

JAKE  
Home.

CHRISTINE  
J--

JAKE  
No. No more. I-- I can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry.

JAKE walks out and shuts the door, and CHRISTINE finally breaks down sobbing, kneeling on the ground and clutching at the bedsheets as "Class of 2013" by Mitski starts to play.

INT. JAKE’S ROOM

JAKE walks into his room, breathing heavily, his face vacant. The blood slowly drips down and he doesn't bother to clean it. He's done. He shoves clothes and books into a camping bag, putting his laptop in his school bag and zipping it up, putting the camping bag on his back and carrying the school bag. 

CHRISTINE watches him from the doorway, crying quietly, but doesn’t do anything to stop him. JAKE looks over at her and shakes his head, swallowing the lump in his throat. He pushes past her, out the door.

EXT. STREET

The song continues as JAKE walks dead-eyed down the street, the blood trickling down his face, leaning into his lips. He looks down at his feet as a man walks past him, keeping his distance. He looks back up and sighs silently.

EXT. ALISTAIR’S HOUSE

The song fades out as JAKE knocks on the door, and after a moment, ALISTAIR opens it and gasps upon seeing him.

ALISTAIR  
Jake, what-- What happened to you?

JAKE  
My mum. She, um, she threw a vase, and…

ALISTAIR closes the door behind him and hugs JAKE tightly, rubbing his back as JAKE closes his eyes, finally letting the tears out, sobbing quietly into his shoulder.

ALISTAIR  
It’s okay, love, everything’s gonna be okay.

JAKE  
I-- I can’t stay there anymore.

ALISTAIR  
Okay. 

JAKE  
Okay?

ALISTAIR  
We’ll figure it out.

He leans back and looks at JAKE, smiling at him. JAKE smiles back, shaky, not reaching his eyes, and ALISTAIR wipes the blood away from his face.

ALISTAIR  
Why did she do this?

JAKE  
I don’t know, Al, she-- She’s just crazy.

ALISTAIR’s face falls.

ALISTAIR  
What?

JAKE  
Insane. Honestly, I-- I genuinely think she’s a psycho. Like, she needs to be locked up. She-- She chants and listens to things on repeat and-- She’s just crazy. So fucking crazy that… I’m not like her, though. I’m not-- I’m not crazy like she is. I-- She's just... I'm not like her.

ALISTAIR  
I know, Jake, I know. It’s okay.

ALISTAIR stands on his tiptoes and kisses his forehead.

JAKE  
Can-- Can I stay here? With you?

ALISTAIR hesitates and nervously laughs.

ALISTAIR  
Jake, you-- You can’t. My dad would freak out, and my step-mum and sister, they would… I’m sorry.

JAKE nods, looking down. ALISTAIR lifts his chin up to make him look at him.

ALISTAIR  
You can go over to James's, yeah? He lives on his own, people sleep over all the time. 

JAKE  
Would he let me?

ALISTAIR nods.

ALISTAIR  
He knows what it’s like, Jake.

JAKE  
How do you know what he knows?

ALISTAIR  
People like talking to me.

JAKE nods, wiping his tears.

JAKE  
I know.

ALISTAIR smiles sadly and kisses him.

ALISTAIR  
I’ll see you soon.

JAKE  
Okay. Thank you.

JAKE starts to walk away, back down the garden path.

ALISTAIR [O.S.]  
Take care of yourself… Jacob David Love.

JAKE looks back, but ALISTAIR’s already walking back into his house, the door closing loudly.

JAKE  
I will.

He smiles to himself, trying to cheer himself up as he wipes the blood off of his face. He starts to walk back down the street, shifting his bag on his back as he gets illuminated by the lamplight.


	4. CLIP FOUR: "Pride/Pain"

**WEDNESDAY, 13TH NOVEMBER, 16:57**

INT. SPARE ROOM, JAMES’S APARTMENT

JAKE looks around the room, which is basically a storage closet with a mattress in it. He takes some clothes out of the camping bag next to the mattress and puts them on the shelves, folding them semi-neatly. He fixes the blanket on the mattress and sighs, bored.

He takes his phone out and opens his messages with ALISTAIR. There’s nothing new since last night, and JAKE types out “Hey.”. He then deletes it, putting his phone back into his pocket. He looks around the room again, and sighs.

JAKE  
Fuck, I need a drink. 

INT. LIVING ROOM

JAKE walks in on NICK casually smoking a joint, reclined on the sofa. JAKE stands still, watching him for a moment.

JAKE  
What are you doing here?

NICK looks over at him, unperturbed.

NICK  
Churning butter, what do you think?

JAKE rolls his eyes, breathing out a sort laugh.

NICK  
Want some?

JAKE tilts his head back, closes his eyes and sighs. NICK grins.

We cut ahead in time and NICK and JAKE are sitting together in semi-awkward silence, both smoking a joint.

NICK  
So you’re staying here for good?

JAKE  
I don’t know. Maybe. At least for a while.

There’s a pause, both of them taking a drag.

JAKE  
Is he… Cool with you being here?

NICK  
Oh, yeah. He needs someone to feed the fish while he’s fucking his girlfriend.

JAKE  
[laughing awkwardly] Yeah... 

NICK puts his joint out in the ashtray, leaning back even further on the sofa. JAKE looks at him for a moment, nervous.

JAKE  
Can we talk?

NICK  
About what?

JAKE shrugs.

JAKE  
I… You know how I’m...

NICK gasps, fake-shocked, leaning back with his hand on his heart.

NICK  
_Gay?!_ [calm] Yeah, duh, we all did.

JAKE  
Haha, very funny. I just-- I need to talk. About it, with someone who’ll get it.

NICK  
And you chose me because…?

JAKE looks at him sceptically.

JAKE  
You know why.

NICK rolls his eyes.

NICK  
Talk.

JAKE  
So… You know Alistair Fletcher?

NICK  
Yeah. He's sweet, isn't he? Sold him weed before he joined the club, he acted like it was the biggest crime of his life.

JAKE  
Yeah… Well, I… Him and I kind of…

JAKE waves his hand around, ambiguously trying to end his sentence, and takes another hit.

NICK  
You fucked?

JAKE  
No! No, we-- We kind of… Have a thing.

There’s a short pause.

NICK  
And you haven’t fucked?

JAKE groans.

JAKE  
No! It’s not all about fucking! Jesus, we’re not all like you.

NICK takes a breath, looking over at him, suddenly sharp.

NICK  
Who’s “we”? What’s “like me”?

JAKE  
You know… Not all gays are… Slutty.

NICK  
I’m not slutty. And I’m not gay.

JAKE  
Nick, come on. [mockingly] We all know.

NICK  
You don’t! You don’t know. I like Rori. Rori Chan. I heard somewhere along the line that’s not very gay of me.

JAKE  
Jesus, you talk about fucking guys all the time. That's what I meant.

NICK  
I’m bi, Jake. There’s-- There’s nothing wrong with that.

JAKE  
Okay, Jesus… But there is something wrong with doing things with older men. Men old enough to be our dads.

NICK  
Don’t knock it if you haven’t tried it.

NICK winks.

JAKE  
I will, ‘cause it’s fucked up.

NICK  
Oh, and you and your carrot top have a fairytale life?

JAKE sighs, finally able to talk about what he wants to talk about.

JAKE  
He-- He hasn’t been texting me back.

NICK  
Since when?

JAKE  
Last night. And I haven’t seen him at all today.

NICK  
[sarcastic] Aw, boo hoo, that’s so sad. 

JAKE glares at him and he laughs.

NICK  
He’s probably just busy. You need to chill.

JAKE  
If you’re not gonna take this seriously--

NICK  
I am! 

JAKE  
No, you don’t care a-- about anything. You just fuck around and it’s bullshit.

There’s a pause, NICK taking a breath.

NICK  
You know it’s a privilege to fuck around. Me being the way I am. You know, twenty years ago, I could be killed. Just for existing. You know, until 2001 it was illegal for anyone under the age of 21 to have gay sex. Straight sex was okay for 16 year olds, but no bum stuff!

He laughs, a bit bitterly.

NICK  
It’s all bullshit. What the government does. Esther talk about it all the time, and she swears no one knows what she’s on about, but I do. I listen. I know my history. I know that people still think gay sex is disgusting just ‘cause it’s two blokes, which is why I rub it in their faces. Look at all the crazy good orgasms I’m having that you’ll never have because of your shitty husband, Karen! You can’t change anything if you don’t make people uncomfortable.

JAKE is clearly uncomfortable, and has no idea what he's meant to say.

JAKE  
Why do you wanna change things, though? Gay marriage is legal, everything’s, you know, fine. We live in Brighton, for God’s sake.

NICK  
Jake, we don’t live in a bubble. You saw what happened to Sandy last year. You hear the things people say about you, about me, about Alistair, about our friends. We’re the other, Jake, and we’re always going to be, and I know it’s shocking to you, because you’ve lived your entire life cooped up in this perfect world where you’re the perfect, white, privileged-in-every-way guy, but now you’re not. Now you’re in a community that was created by black trans women throwing bricks at policemen, you’re in a community that was almost extincted by disease, you are in a community that still has to fight not to be killed. Your friends came after me last year, remember? Tried to shut me down, end my business. Called me things. Hurt me. Hurt my friends. That wasn’t just ‘cause I was competing with them in the weed market, was it, Jake? And it wasn’t just because I’m bi.

JAKE shifts around uncomfortably in his seat.

NICK  
But I fought back. Not with my fists, God knows I can’t do that, but with being myself.

JAKE scoffs a little, quiet, and then looks like he instantly regretted it..

NICK  
What was that for?

JAKE  
I don't know. You're... You’re not being yourself, are you? You’re acting like every gay guy you see on TV.

NICK  
I’m not. This is how I am. Yeah, I like Britney Spears and I dye my hair pink. So what? That doesn’t mean that’s not who I am. 

There’s a pause, JAKE looking down, away from NICK.

NICK  
Why are you so mean to us all of the time?

JAKE shrugs.

JAKE  
I don't want to be. I... I don't know. 

NICK  
I think I know why. It's ‘cause you’re scared. Of being like me, of being the gay guy you and your mates all made fun of in the changing rooms. Just because you like football and you dress like shit doesn’t make you any less gay. And before you judge anyone for acting like themselves, maybe think about the fact that they couldn’t for so many years.

JAKE  
I know. Okay? I know that people can’t act certain ways because of the way people see them, I-- I get it! I’m sick of it, I… 

JAKE pauses, taking a deep breath and sighing.

JAKE  
I’m so tired of pretending.

NICK  
The first step is to accept it yourself.

JAKE  
I know I’m gay, that’s-- That’s not a problem.

NICK  
Knowing isn’t the same as accepting.

JAKE looks at him, shaking his head in slight disbelief.

JAKE  
Why are you being so nice to me?

NICK  
I've been there. And I’m your guru. Well, I’ve been many men’s guru. And by many men I mean Theo and James. They weren’t always as out and proud as you know them. Well, James is still struggling with the whole thing, but you know. It takes time. It doesn't just happen overnight. [pause] You know, they’re still a bit scared of you.

JAKE  
What? Why?

NICK  
‘Cause they think you’re like Bryan and them. Just like I still kind of think.

JAKE  
Why?

NICK  
Because… You may not know this, Jake, but watching something happen and not doing anything is almost as bad as doing it. 

There's a moment of silence, JAKE breathing slowly out of his mouth.

JAKE  
I'm sorry. I’m really sorry, Nick. I really am. I just… I didn’t want it to be me on the ground.

NICK  
I know. It’s not okay, but I know.

There’s a pause. NICK reaches out and squeezes JAKE’s hand.

JAKE  
I’m gay.

NICK  
I know.

JAKE  
I… I’m scared. I don’t-- I don’t want to be, I-- I’m not proud of it.

NICK  
You don’t have to be. Not yet.

JAKE  
I thought it was all about pride, this gay thing.

NICK  
The first pride was a riot, Jake. Anger. Wrath. Pain. That’s how we all begin, for some reason.

JAKE squeezes his hand back.

JAKE  
Either you’re really smart or this weed is amazing.

NICK smiles, laughing a little.

NICK  
Come out with us, Friday.

JAKE  
What?

NICK  
Me, you, Theo and James. Boys’ night. You and Cohen need an ice breaker, if you’re gonna be roomies, and I’m just the man to break it.

JAKE smiles, putting his joint out and leaning back on the sofa.


	5. CLIP FIVE: "Feel Something"

**FRIDAY, 15TH NOVEMBER, 20:19**

EXT. STREET

JAKE walks up to THEO, JAMES and NICK, all standing outside NICK’s car, already talking.

NICK  
I just-- I just don’t know what to do!

THEO  
Chill. That’s what you should do.

NICK  
Fuck off.

JAMES  
Just… Try your best. Oh, hey Jake.

JAKE smiles awkwardly, waving, clearly nervous.

JAKE  
What-- What are we talking about?

THEO  
Take a guess.

NICK  
Rori.

JAKE  
Just ask her out. What’s the problem?

JAMES, THEO and NICK all look at each other, as if there’s a joke JAKE’s missing out on.

NICK  
I’m not really on her level, mate.

JAKE  
Sure you are! You have nice hair and a fruitful business!

THEO  
I would say plantful.

NICK shoves him, and THEO shoves him back. JAMES steps inbetween and puts his arms around them.

JAMES  
Come on, I can hear the beer calling to me.

NICK  
I’ll drink to that, bro!

_“Don’t Threaten Me With A Good Time” by Panic! At The Disco_ starts to play as they laugh, JAKE joining in, getting pulled into the hug by NICK, as we go into slow motion, the BOY SQUAD climbing into NICK’s car. 

They drive down the street, NICK happily driving with JAMES and THEO laughing, JAMES next to him, THEO leaning over to them. They bop their heads along to the music, JAKE doing the same in the corner of the backseat. He's trying to belong, and the ice is melting.

EXT. PARK

The park is fairly crowded, with teenagers all milling about, drinks in hands, a song playing very faintly in the distance. JAKE, JAMES, THEO and NICK walk into the mess, NICK pulling a small bag out from his coat pocket.

NICK  
Okay, place your bets, how much am I gonna make tonight?

JAKE  
A lot?

JAMES  
I don’t fucking know numbers.

THEO  
You’re gonna make me cry.

NICK  
Rude.

THEO  
Speaking of making you cry, Nickolai, there’s Rori.

They look over at the GIRL SQUAD standing together, laughing. JAKE watches SANDY, with ESTHER’s arm around her, move closer to the group, away from a group of boys near them. The boys all look like JAKE.

NICK  
She’s so beautiful, I’m actually going to cum right now.

There’s a pause, JAKE, THEO and JAMES looking at him with varying levels of disgust.

JAMES  
I mean, he is right. She's beautiful.

NICK  
You would know, fuckboy. [pause] How’d you even get her to sleep with you, anyway?

JAMES  
I don’t know.

THEO  
Who doesn’t want to fuck James?

JAMES kisses THEO on the cheek.

JAMES  
So sweet. Look, my young padawan, for a relationship you gotta take desperate to a whole new level. That’s what I did with Liz.

NICK  
Yeah. I know. You made us audition for a fucking musical.

JAMES  
Where you both got good parts.

THEO  
As your fucking cronies.

JAMES  
Just like real life, then!

NICK shoves him away, JAMES laughing as NICK watches him for a bit too long.

NICK  
Such an asshole.

JAKE  
Wait, you auditioned for Grease just to get with a girl?

JAMES  
Yep!

JAKE  
And... you got the main part?

JAMES  
What, like it's hard?

They both laugh as THEO pulls a 6 pack of beer out of his bag and starts handing them around. JAKE leans over to NICK.

JAKE  
[whispers] Nick?

NICK  
[loudly] Yeah?

He swallows a pill from his bag.

JAKE  
Um, do you think you could gimme… Some of that for… free?

NICK  
Why? This is a fucking business, Jacob.

JAKE  
Friendly discount?

NICK just looks at him blankly.

JAKE  
Look, I don't have any money, and I--

NICK  
Neither do I. Which is why I need profit.

THEO lifts his can in a cheers.

THEO  
That’s capitalism, baby.

JAMES  
Gross.

JAKE nods along, looking around the park to see ELEANOR walking on top of a patch of flowers, towards a person standing on their own. THEO takes more drinks out of his bag, still handing them around.

JAKE

Shit.

JAMES

What?

JAKE

My, uh, ex is here.

NICK looks all around and then at JAKE, raising his eyebrows. JAKE shrugs, not sure what NICK is trying to say, but JAMES hands him another can of beer, making THEO and NICK laugh, as JAKE starts to down it, not coming up for air at all.

JAMES, THEO and NICK  
Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug!

JAKE finishes it and the BOYS cheer. JAKE looks over at ELEANOR smiling and sighs quietly.

JAKE  
I’m just-- I’m just gonna go to the bathroom.

NICK  
Have fun.

He winks, subtly handing JAKE a bag of pills. JAKE smiles at him gratefully.

THEO  
You physically disgust me, Braxton. 

NICK  
Thanks babe!

They laugh as JAKE walks off, “_Give Me Novacaine” by Green Day_ beginning to play as he does. JAMES looks after him, a bit concerned.

INT. MALE BATHROOM

JAKE walks in and stands alone in the small bathroom, all noise muffled outside the door. He goes over to the sink, breathing heavily. He holds onto it, barely balancing as he looks into his own glassy eyes. His vision tilts, the bags under his eyes a lot more apparent. He hasn't slept in days.

He looks down at his hands, finally noticing a Smirnoff bottle in one of them. He looks back up at himself, trying to fix his messed up hair. He can’t, it sticks down into his dead eyes.

He downs a mouthful of vodka, barely even wincing. He grabs the sink, shaking it in frustration.

JAKE  
Feel something, feel something, feel something!

He looks down at the bag of pills in his other hand and downs them all, holding the bottle to his mouth, leaning his head back until he starts to choke, spitting vodka all over the mirror. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, and then smiles.

JAKE  
Now we’re getting somewhere.

He pours the bottle on his head and slicks his hair back, he throws the bottle down into the sink, breaking it, as he runs back out into the party.

EXT. PARK

The song continues, louder, as he runs up to the BOY SQUAD, laughing as he leans on THEO and NICK’s shoulders, saying something we can’t hear. The BOYS laugh, and JAKE smiles - he’s doing it right.

We see him talking to BRIANNA, as she walks away from him; laughing with NICK and THEO at JAMES and LIZ kissing; watching SANDY and ESTHER talk in the corner with his head tilted.

The footage speeds up, flashes of JAKE talking, drinking, dancing, laughing, all quick, all bright, all barely put together. It’s unstable, it’s too fast. It becomes so fast that the background keeps changing, things in his hands keep changing, but JAKE’s still looking right at the camera, his smile fading. 

The song suddenly stops, replaced with generic dance music in the distance as JAKE leans on THEO’s shoulder, breathing heavily.

JAKE  
I'm gonna... be sick.

THEO  
Go do it in the bushes, dude, this is a new shirt.

JAKE salutes, laughing awkwardly to himself as he stumbles off into the bushes, hand over his mouth, the camera shaky as it follows him. His smile completely falls when he’s alone, but he keeps walking, his hands balled into fists. He hears a rustling to his left and looks over to investigate.

A blonde girl - ELEANOR - is on top of someone, making out with them very enthusiastically, not even seeing JAKE.

ELEANOR  
Say you’re sorry.

ALISTAIR  
I-- I’m sorry, Ellie.

ELEANOR  
Good job. 

She pulls ALISTAIR’s hand onto her back, he’s paler than usual, his hand shaking, and JAKE, his eyes wide, his mouth open, runs away.

He keeps running until he runs into JAMES, who holds onto him, laughing. JAKE pushes him away, and JAMES stops laughing.

JAMES  
What’s wrong, dude?

JAKE  
I gotta go, I gotta-- There's something wrong.

JAMES looks around and pulls JAKE to the side.

JAMES  
Just-- Just calm down, okay? You can go home, here.

He takes a key out of his pocket and gives it to JAKE.

JAKE  
Yeah. Yeah, I should just-- I should just go.

JAMES nods, awkwardly rubbing his arm.

JAMES  
Try to get some sleep, yeah?

JAKE  
Yeah. I'll see you. Thanks.

JAKE shrugs his arm off and walks off, leaving the party, the music and all hope behind.

EXT. STREET

It’s silent plays as JAKE walks down the street, swaying slightly, leaning on walls for support. He stumbles to a halt, leaning against the wall and breathing heavily. 

JAKE  
Shit.

He retches and we zoom out as he vomits on the street corner, music playing from inside the gay bar he’s leaning on, the rainbow flag high above his head. He wipes his mouth with his hand, scrunching up his nose at the taste in his mouth.

JAKE  
Jesus… 

A young man wearing makeup pokes his head around the corner and sees JAKE.

MAN  
You alright, babe?

JAKE  
I’m-- I’m not “babe”.

The MAN looks confused for a moment.

MAN  
Okay. You alright, though?

JAKE rolls his eyes and keeps walking on, pulling his hood up as he finally starts to cry, muffling his sobs with his hand as he kicks a passing tree. He pulls leaves off of the thin branches and throws them at the wall next to him, making no impact.

He looks around to make sure there’s no one there, closes his eyes tightly and screams.

_ CUT TO END CREDITS AS SILENCE PLAYS _

_ CUT TO BLACK _


End file.
